Monday, 8 December 2014

The marriage mania

Few years back we would know that the wedding season has started when lots of wedding invitations would pour in our houses. Now-a-days we just have to open Facebook. FB walls are flooded with personalised wedding invites, pre-wedding photo shoots and wedding pictures first from friends and relatives of people getting married and then the professional ones from the married ones.
My outlooks towards these things have changed over couple of years. First I was in the batch of peeps who would say, “Oh my god, why is everyone on earth getting married!!!” and sentences similar to this. Now, that am in the other batch of married peeps, I say “Okay those are lovely pictures!!” or sometimes reluctantly realize “Ohh even my wedding pictures would be on walls on my friends last year…was it a pleasing sight for everyone!!” (I have personally put limited number of pictures!!). However, giving this a deeper thought I have arrived at some firm point of views.
Likes and comments can’t quantify appreciation
Marriage is of course not just about the number of likes and comments on your FB wall. Getting married is still the same old feeling as it was when all of us were not all the tech savvy. It’s just that now there is a so-called measure to appreciation i.e. no. of like or comments. In my opinion, this is not a pre-requisite to feel good or admired. My grandmother’s appreciation saying “ Kiti goad distiye majhi naath, drushta kadha hichi” (she is looking so pretty, may god protect her from all evils) means a lot more to me. Yes, of course the FB comments and likes makes me feel special and loved, but the main point is, one has to realise that it’s not a pre-requisite or the only thing. (B.t.w. –Let the likes and comments on my posts continue!!).
Fewer the merrier
So we all love to see marriage invites and snaps of our friends and relatives. Sometimes, we recollect being a part of the celebrations else are pleasantly surprised to see an unexpected friend getting married. But one should not overdo it. We are definitely not interested in seeing each and every ritual, all the awkward poses the photographer asks to get, on our FB walls. So one should ideally give it a little thought and time before loading all the pictures in the memory card. On the other side, friends should also realise to appreciate what’s good and ignore the rest of it. Nothing else can be done anyway.
Don’t judge a book by its cover
What many silently or at times even in groups engage is passing their own judgement on these pictures. “Ohh the girl is very pretty but the guy is just strictly ok” or “My god, the guy is so tall compared to her” or worse “Ohh what did this girl see in this guy???” sentences like this don’t go public on these forums but are often discussed off the record. It doesn’t stop there; people go further and judge their entire life only guessing things from some pictures posted on FB. That’s definitely not a healthy thing to do; neither was FB or any other social networking sites started for this purpose. I believe we should refrain from passing any judgemental comments about anyone’s personal life and discourage others from doing so. What a person really feels at that time, or what all efforts he/she has put in to live that moment are no where captured in the picture.
It is a life event after all
As we all know, it is stated as a life event, which carries an underlying meaning, ‘this is very important to me’. While we get overwhelmed by the number of wedding pictures and notifications, we shouldn’t forget that it was an important day for each and every one of them.  They want to share this happiness with the whole world (i.e. the FB world) which is not something to be irritated with. We must feel happy for them, as they are our friends (at least on FB). If it bothers you, irritates you, remove them from your list. Now that I am married (i.e. passed this phase of updating a life event), I understand what excitement and happiness goes behind uploading these pictures. The motive is to share these moments of happiness with family and friends in different corners of the world. No one intends to cause any discomfort anyone.
Ignorance continues to be bliss
The phrase –‘Ignorance is bliss’ means not knowing something makes you happier. I guess this was meant for the world without so many means of communication. Now-a-days, the social networking platforms are well established and have become a part of our lives. We get to know anything and everything about anyone, even if we don’t wish to know any of it. Hence we have to stretch a bit further and train ourselves to ignore the inputs we don’t need in our brains. Same applies to this whole marriage mania both online and offline. We can’t stop people from getting married or announcing it on a grand scale on these networking sites. If we don’t want to take notice of this, maybe we should just ignore by scrolling it up.
P.S.: Hopefully you guys haven’t scrolled up this whole note and read at least some parts of it!!!

- Dipti Abhyankar

Monday, 30 December 2013

...its all about love!

While a lot has been written spoken sung about this,
I thought whatever happens, I’ll surely give this a miss!

How much ever I neglected, the feeling had to strike,
and hence I start writing about it, Oh so much unlike!

With love there’s nothing true or fake or no losses and gains,
Love is the one which clicks, eventually matures and then remains.

At times it clicks together for both, they are the lucky ones,
for the one sided ones it’s though, where in the hard way one learns.

You can’t force anyone to love you, you can’t ask them to stay,
this will just make you look weak and will also push them away.

Love is the one which gives you strength, encourages you to scale high,
It’s when you glow from within, no alcohol can give you that high!

As love matures you either get bored of being together else hate each other,
Then you either ask for space else decide never to meet going further.

If the distance drifts you apart then be happy because it wasn't love after all,
it was just your habit and convenience where you failed to take a cautious call.

If the distance brings you closer and you understand each other’s worth,
then you realize that wherever you are together that’s the best place on earth.

To be in love is magical, one just needs to love unconditionally,
however angry you may get; you will forgive the person eventually.

To fall in love and understand it, is something one shouldn't ignore, 
as the pain in love is temporary while the happiness galore.

Friday, 6 May 2011


When you are very frustrated, with everything around
 And recognize you aren’t hitting the target but moving round and round
Yet you still keep moving ahead, without complaining
Be happy with yourself; your level of patience is rising.

When you can’t see things moving at snail’s pace
When you manage to be good to everyone on their face
When you react in a sophisticated manner; the event being however surprising
Be happy with yourself; your level of patience is rising.

When you know something is wrong but you are not the person to make it right
You just report it to concerned authorities and do not yourself set out to fight
Everything takes time; immediate changes aren’t possible, once you start realizing
Be happy with yourself; your level of patience is rising.

When you just laugh off at things which bothered you a lot in the past
When you are fine being in the common, between the first and the last
When you stop keeping things to your heart and start forgiving
Be happy with yourself; your level of patience is rising.

Sunday, 26 September 2010

The old shades

Its 2010; the new age,
where we write on MS word and not on a page.
But still a love letter means a lot more than a text of ‘love you’
Though that’s a fact its followers are very few.

Agreed that there is no time to even have dinner with whole family,
As people have no time to smile they just send a smiley.
But are stomachs are full only when, with the whole family we dine;
A simple smile, even at a stranger can make his dull day shine.

Now there is enough money to buy food outside or get it made by a cook
But sometimes all you need is food made by your mom, not bothering about its taste or look.
Given a million songs releasing every year, I doubt if anybody lends an ear to the same
But everyone has a collection of old songs as they are still melodious and retain their fame.

Given so much freedom for everything there’s still a small liking for few obligations,
Many still believe in being morally right, ethically correct and in having certain limitations.
With the sign, codes, chat, sms languages around; we have a lot of option
Yet age old proverbs are still on tip of our tongues; nothing can replace their position.

The advancements in medicine are appreciated and have cured even impossible diseases
But still the grandma’s advice works wonders by which the origin of many diseases ceases.
People take rigorous workout and gym sessions strictly to maintain their fitness
The morning walks, exercises and yoga do the same at a lesser cost, to which I am a witness.

In short though the new shades of colours of technology and globalisation have made us more efficient
We cannot neglect the fact that the old shades are the basic colours which make their existence prominent.

Thursday, 29 July 2010

Being absolutely clueless.

Technically I am supposed to write 12 thousand words for my dissertation, I don’t know why am I writing here…There starts my blog - Being absolutely clueless.
I never thought that I would enjoy or be compelled to enjoy such a phase. My mom says that such a phase comes in every person’s life, that’s where he learns not about his studies, his career, his job or his stability but about his life.

Being clueless or confused can be a result of 2 situations:

1. You have nothing to do…and you are just plainly wasting time.
2. You have so much to do and think of…..that you kind of get stuck.

I am certainly in the 2nd condition. The language in this blog will be very informal…because I have to be strictly formal with those 12 thousand words….so I need to shed my informality somewhere.
Why am I clueless? Is it only me or are there people around who sail in the same boat? For a change I know the reasons….

1. My sole companion over laptop with its soul mate - the internet, present before me so many things together….that I tend to forget for what did I put it on.
2. Dissertation…less said better. One can get clueless about everything. The related papers, data, your objective also how to exactly start writing.
3. Facebook: One of the main culprits. You get lost looking at your or some one’s profile or just the news feed, but still because FB in my favourites I just click on it. Thank God I do not play any of those games..(Farmville etc). But facebook does make you clueless…that why now-a-days I am kind of successful in avoiding it. I hope it continues.
4. Job: What? Where? When? Which? I have all these questions. If there is something that comes in this case with consistency….those are rejections. So clueless again but not pessimistic. I have decided to be hopeful on this note always, as that is the only way.
5. Shifting house: Again where? In the same city, or in some other bigger city or in a different country altogether…all options hold. Clueless again.
6. Time: I always wonder how my 24 hrs of the day just vanish magically. I am completely clueless about this.
7. In general: now this is to wind up- being clueless about: what to buy from the market? (read Tesco, Sainsbury’s etc , what to cook? What to do when I do not want to study? What all should I worry (or think about) etc.
(The reason for jotting down in points is being influenced by my supervisor who said that: ‘things written in points are better understood than those written in paragraphs, when you have to summarise something’.)

But then maybe there will come a time in life where everything will be so predictable, so planned that you can’t move away from it. You cannot plan you day the way you want to. Your then busy routine (presuming that you will work and also get married) will take over all the freedom of balancing your life.
So why not enjoy this clueless phase, make the most of it. Just by remembering the main goals behind it, working towards it and then doing what you want. I then think, there are so many people who must be carving to have such 24 hrs in hand as I have right now. So if managed well, this can be one of the phases to be remembered. It is not actually all that confusing. I think I have a clue of it now.

Thursday, 1 July 2010

The perfect planning syndrome.

I suffer (better to put it as, I live) with this syndrome. Planning my days, weeks, months, years almost the whole life is something I enjoy doing. It is my favourite daydreaming activity. I also believe that there are people like me, even if they are not, I still believe, ha ha.

It is really helpful during trips. If you have a planner with you, he will make sure that the trip is planned with back ups. Where to go, which places are best to see, what you should take along with you, what time you should leave (he is so planned that he tells everybody an hour before the actual leaving time, so that everybody turns up on time).All this planning comes near perfection by the grace of everything available online these days.The scariest thing is shopping. When we go for trips I have observed people shopping like crazy, they shop as if they will not get those things where they live or this is their last and final time of shopping in the whole life. A sincere confession though, I don’t like planned shopping because whenever I plan and step out, I don’t find those things I want and when I don’t plan and don’t carry enough money, I see those things all around.

This syndrome is also great for parties and get-togethers also surprise birthday parties (but it’s sad when it’s the planner’s birthday, he can’t expect the same). I think if a party is perfectly planned no one will get bored. A party should be packed with games, fun, lot of interactions followed with food and drinks, I love planning all such stuff also.
Giving surprises on birthdays has been my (and few other friend’s) favourite hobby since our college days. This is the one I like the best. Because it is great to see that one smile on your friends face when they get something as a surprise. We have done crazy things to see those smiles. But the only thing that irritates is asking others to be a part of it and shell out money, some times people just get too annoying. A good planner should make sure that he gets money from everyone much before the party otherwise he will have to run behind his own friends to get it back. Money management is actually a separate independent branch of perfect planning.

There is also something called family planning, but let’s not discuss it here. People good at other planning should be obviously good at this, but unfortunately statistics say that many great planners have terribly failed in this case.

Let us come to studies now. A big pause here for a hearty laugh (as these are antonyms – studies x planning). But I do make an honest attempt to plan my studies from a weekly test, submissions to the main exams. But if and when this planning fails, one has to face the consequences and I mean serious ones at times. All the goof ups in between are to be adjusted on the night before the exam. But any kind of student magically manages that. Great isn’t it! But on a serious note, it is really helpful to at least have a rough plan of how we are going to study and by what deadline do we ‘intend’ to finish and start revision ( if revision really exists). So this syndrome has positive effects here. I think same goes in case of work. If you plan your targets and work accordingly, success is almost sure. But I don’t have enough experience in this as I don’t have a job, I am still in the struggling unemployed league. (somebody please give me a job).

Another important thing where planning helps is at multitasking. This has also been my hobby since school days. It sometimes becomes a habit; I find it difficult to concentrate if I just have one thing at hand. The best example here is of the working women. They are great at multitasking – job, husband, children, in-laws, relatives from both sides and obviously being the home minister. Hats off to them. But just imagine what level of planning it all takes! So a woman who is good at planning will find it easier but gradually all women learn. Also comes here is time management .Like money management, time management is also a branch of this syndrome.

However excessive of this syndrome is dangerous. I have seen people obsessed with planning. They plan each and everything and make their life boring and dull. We should allow something’s to be done all of a sudden without much of thinking going behind it. What if planning fails? Can all of us take that? I have struggled with it as well. When something I plan does not work out, I am disturbed for a day or two and then I make a new plan, accepting my ( or sometimes others) mistake. So I have learnt that one should be a little flexible with this perfect planning syndrome. Also one should learn to accept times when planning fails.

All said and done, perfect planning syndrome works most of the times but only in moderation and certain things in life go better un-planned.
Finally as practice makes man perfect, planning definitely brings him closer to it.

Saturday, 13 March 2010

What’s bothering me?

Ans: You aren’t dancing……

From almost 2-3 months now, I have not been, what I used to be. I was smiling as ever but it had lost its magic. I was doing my daily chores but it looked like a burden of responsibility to me. I was studying most of the time in the day but hardly understanding or rather hardly liking what I was studying. I was cribbing about most stupid things ever and I was sleeping for long hours which I have never done.I realised that of late I wished to be alone and not be disturbed by anyone for hours together. Even when I was alone I was not doing anything productive, I was just thinking about, well nothing….All in all I was not happy.I then figured out that something is terribly wrong with me. Soon I realised its DANCE.

Right from the age I have started understanding things I have started dancing. It is certainly something more than a hobby to me. Dance really means life to me and I had stopped doing it all together. I didn’t realise it till now because from the time I have come to the University of Warwick, some study or the other, some work or the other has always been there. I thought that now, I need to really get serious in life and study till I drop like many other folks over here. But I forgot that it’s something I have never done till now. I have never ONLY studied. There had to be some or the other co-curricular activity to go with it and surprisingly that was not a hurdle but a key to success for me, if not always success at least, satisfaction.

Dance for me is a way of expression, a medium of communication to myself and to the whole world. If I dance like a free bird that means that I am happy. If I dance aggressively that means that I am angry. If I dance with constrains that means somebody is not allowing me to do something. If I dance like a crazy that means it’s usual me.
Then one day I decided let’s just forget everything for a moment and dance, ‘Dance like nobody’s watching’ and I found myself again. That was a moment to cherish. I was so contented from inside out. I found that freshness, that creativity, that madness which was long lost somewhere. It is such a nice feeling, as if ‘All izz well’. Come any problem I will face it. Come what may I will go through it bravely as always.

I am sure like me, everybody has something or the other that defines them or actually that completes them. I was definitely incomplete without dance and music. So anytime if something is bothering you, or you are not happy for no specific reason, try and do what you love to do. It might sound crazy and foolish to other people, but it means something else to you, that is what brings smile on your face and if it is childish to your age, it is good to be a child sometimes. I realised it all and I am undoubtedly back to myself now, enthusiastic and lively.

Truly hobbies are not something to be treasured; they are something to live with.